Columns & Answers: Round 2

I had so much fun putting together the last ‘Columns & Answers’ post, and had received some really positive feedback on the blog post that I have decided to give it another shot. I feel like I am lending helpful opinions and in certain circumstances, I get to be an asshole while doing so. The one good thing about writing this type of blog is that there is always a fresh supply of material with these “Self Help” columns in the paper as they are published regularly.   

If you like these posts and I keep getting positive feedback from my readers maybe we can turn this into a regular segment. With that being said, I give you another round of self help advice from an asshole! If you happen to stumble on to one of these columns that you feel might need my attention or response, send me the link. Again, feel free to write in with your questions to Manifesto.Idiot@gmail.com or via the comment section below if you would like my opinion on any questions you may have... Or, if you are reading this and are involved with some kind of publication and feel that feel my advice columns would be a good fit for it... Reach out to me, I am open to it!

Columns and Answers...

Have you ever read those ‘Life & Advice’ Columns such as “Dear Abby” in the newspaper? If you have not, I strongly suggest that you do... anyone with a sense of humor similar to mine would be able to find these articles to be humorous. After reading these questions, it is not hard to see why these people writing in to columnists looking for advise have relationship issues. Most would be better off seeing a shrink versus writing in to these columnists searching for answers. Regardless, the columnists answer back with a sugar coated answer trying their best to make the person in question feel their best and give them the best advise possible. I think some of these people would be best off being told exactly how it is without sugar coating... They just might not get it otherwise. This is where I fit in. I am going to take some of the questions from the columns posted in the Buffalo News (or wherever they may be syndicated) and answer them as if I was the columnist people were writing in to for answers. I am stepping in to tell these people what they should be hearing in response to their questions... Submit your relationship questions via the comment section below, I will answer them for you in my own unique way.

Children's programing leads to idea behind my next masterpiece???

    My son is only two years old so children's programming is still a fairly new experience for me. Yes, I am aware of what Barney and other mainstream children’s programs are, but I had never had a reason to to actually pay attention to them until now. I must admit... most of these shows are fucking terrible! One of these retched shows actually has inspired the upcoming creation of the next piece of my artistic collection, we will get into that shortly.

Really... You can be white trash and a celebrity?

    I am sick of putting on the television and the radio and seeing talentless fucks being glorified and praised. I would love just to rip apart the whole hip-hop world as a whole because I cannot stand rap music and their lack of originality, but some may view that as some kind of racial attack. So since I am a white man, I am going to give my thoughts on white trash celebrities...in-particular Kid Rock. No one is offended by this unless you an inbred from West Virginia, some hillbilly from the south, an unemployed trash who refuses to work and abuses the public assistance systems, or someone who is a fan of terrible music.

The holiday that we as men have been waiting for...

We have all been there gentlemen... February 14 on the calendar, Valentine’s Day to the ladies of our lives rolls around each year and we are there to shower our significant others with flowers, chocolate, jewelry, gifts and dinner. Why do we need a specific day to show our significant other that we care? You should be doing gestures like this randomly just because you care... Valentine's Days is just so forced and expected, I actually find it hard to become romantic because of this. Valentine’s Day is a fucking legalized extortion by the retail industry... A made up holiday to show the women of our lives how much we care for them. If we do not fork out the cash on this “Hallmark” holiday, we are inconsiderate assholes that will not be getting any ass from them anytime in the near future.

MLB and their blackout rules...

          I live in Buffalo, NY which means that we have no major league baseball team of our own, yet blackout rules still apply to us. Why is that exactly? Who knows... but I am sure it comes down to dollars and cents in the end.  All of our cable providers in Western New York have channels that carry New York Yankees and Mets games, If you have Directv, you can purchase the sports package that also gives you access to the stations that carry the Pittsburgh Pirates and Cleveland Indians games in our market. Since there is an option to receive service that carries these games in Buffalo, these are considered to be "in market games". In my apartment complex, we are banned from having satellite dishes so I do not have access or the opportunity to receive and watch the Pirates and Indians unless they are playing the Yankees, Mets, or play in a nationally televised game.

The Great Strip Club Debacle

Canadian Strip clubs are like the wild west of gentleman's clubs. The rules at the strip clubs north of the border are more laxed, which is a great thing for those of us who live just minutes from the Canadian border. At strip clubs here in the States, you walk up to the stage place the tip in her g-string as she is in front of you wearing pasties and you might get a kiss on the cheek if you’re lucky... yeah, that does not happen up north. The girls there are full nude, no thong, no pasties. There, you actually crawl up, lay on the stage with the dollar in your teeth while come over grind on you for a bit, put their ‘private area” inches from your nose and then pick the dollar out of your mouth with their tits or other parts of their bodies (Take a guess what parts). The back room dances are a little naughtier, you can literally refer to them as “lap dances” in the Canadian clubs. Another great point is that the legal drinking age in Canada is only 19. You have to love Canada for this.