Double Ask an Asshole

After taking a break from writing over the holidays, I figured that I would ease back into things with a few “Ask an Asshole” columns… Here is one each from Dear Abby and Miss Manners. Enjoy!

Holiday Break

As many of you know, the holidays can get quite hectic. I'm going to be taking a break from writing for a bit during this busy time of year. I am on vacation the week between Christmas and New Years and will resume writing during that time off... Unless something gets me into a fit of rage first.

Thank you as always for reading my nonsense and Happy Holidays.
M.

Really? They might remake American Psycho?

Q: Why does Hollywood outthink itself?

A: Millions and millions of dollars.

(Authors note: Let me see how many clichés I can write into this piece… and see if you can come up with a concept on why I am doing so.) 

What ever happened to the theory "If it's not broke, don't fix it"? I really wish Hollywood executives would go back and think about that statement before making decisions. If it were not for the shitload of cash Hollywood gains from awful sequels and remakes, we would not even be having this discussion. When it comes to entertainment, Hollywood just will not leave well enough alone.

A pathetically bad attempt at a Christmas Parody... asshole style.

Disclaimer: Parts of this parody would make Clint Eastwood’s character in “Gran Torino” proud. This parody involves a Vietnam Vet in the midst of a flashback. I am not mocking Veterans with malicious intent as they do a great service to our country and I respect that. This is a parody; it is all in good fun, meant for a tasteless laugh. Please do not take offense to it or take this personally.

Every Christmas story that is told is full of happiness and joy.  We all know that the world is not all perfect like these stories portray. I’m an asshole and of course I will think of a way to ruin that holiday spirit. Just think about it for a minute… Santa is a guy who comes into your home at night, unannounced, while you are sleeping. If anyone besides a jolly old fat guy in a red suit does that, he is facing criminal trespassing charges at least. Even worse, what if Santa was a victim of circumstance where an intruder is shot by the home owner? You hear stories of Vietnam Vets that have flashbacks… What if Santa were to arrive when some poor bastard is having a hallucination of war and took him out? Well this is where an asshole can step in and play out this thought. 

Here is an asshole’s version of “It was the night before Christmas." I should stick to rants, not quite sure I am cut out for this...

Coca-Cola Holiday can confusion?

The pathetic nature of the sense of entitlement consumers feel is something that is maddening to me. Everyone feels as if something is owed to them and they lay blame where ever they can. It is the moronic way of the law suit happy, EBT receiving, Wal-Mart generation.

Ask an Asshole: Miss Manners column makes another appearance

I have said it before and I will say it again… Advice columns are a gold mine for an asshole to find topics to vent on. Some of people that write in to syndicated columns are delusional and are in need of unfiltered advice instead of sugar coated, try not to offend anyone words of advice. I believe that I have found another treasure in a “Miss Manners” column recently. Here is another response in the Ask an Asshole series…